literature

Vicious Cycle

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MissEridanAmpora's avatar
Published:
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Literature Text

 I am

A natural worrier

Not warrior, worrier.

I overthink and o.v.e.r.a.n.a.l.y.s.e everything

I make myself panic about 
    the past

              The present

And the future.

The things I cannot change

Or control.

Things that are inevitable

Unavoidable

Thoughts like these

Slide unprovoked into
                                  my
                                         head

And sink their claws into my brain

Permeating

Poisoning all my other thoughts until

I can think of
                    nothing
else.

When I think about them for too long,

It makes it hard to breathe

Hard to see

I shiver violently

And I often black out.

The thought grows,

                              until
                      itself
 Builds upon

It becomes too great for me to hold and

I break.

It likes to feed on the constant worries I have

Like the deaths of my friends

The death of my lover

Sickness

            Suicide

Or Accident

Things that probably won’t ever happen

But are still things I panic about

Things I dream about

Well, I say dreams, I mean nightmares.

Nightmares that are so vivid and realistic

And bloody

That I deliberately keep myself awake for days on end

Until the coffee stops working like it should

And my eyes

                       Slam

                                 Shut.

And the worry sinks its claws into me again

To begin the cycle anew

.

i make my girlfriend and friends worry about me
because i have panic attacks from worrying about them

*explodes*
© 2014 - 2024 MissEridanAmpora
Comments32
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Blindly-In-Love's avatar
that was terrifying to read, but I absolutely loved it for that reason. It was real, I mean it felt real. Probably because I know how that feels.. oh well... I hope you are feeling alright.

I really do hope you are okay... I'm here if you need it though